Hardball Softball

My wife asked me the other day if I had any interest in playing in a softball league again. Every time the weather breaks, I mention how much fun it was the last time I was in a league that played a couple summer evenings a week – fresh air, beer, and usually, a complete contrast to my high school sports experience, an above-average player on a below-average team.

I could tell by her smirk that there was more coming, but decided to bite. “Yeah, sure, why?”

Her friend from work organizes a team for a gay softball league, and each team is allowed up to two straight players, the only stipulation being that straight players can’t play in the championship in their first year in the league.

I said I was interested, of course. I mean, I love the Gays – such a colorful and musical people – and no doubt the uniforms were going to be slammin’ fabulous. But, the whole straight rules thing opened up a lot of questions for me.

Would I have to wear some kind of special insignia? Maybe an inverted black triangle?

Just how gay must one to not count against the straight-cap? Like, if there are two “straight” guys that work in theater, can they count as one? Can I claim celibate homosexuality? Because, I’m married with a toddler and could do a softball season worth of no sex standing on my head.

Or, OK, I understand that I can’t play in the championship in my first year if I’m straight, but what if I’m willing to receive a blowjob or will whack off in the sane room with a dude - would I be able to DH?

I’m sure there is some system in place to handle all of this, as the Gays are also an inventive and organized people, and I can't wait to see the challenge system.

“Ump, I’m telling you, that guy on their bench is straight, and he isn’t wearing his Forbidden Triangle, and there’s already two guys in the outfield that are, so unless he gets his sorry ass out here and starts sucking some dick, I’m filing a grievance.”

That beats the hell out of the NFL’s coach challenge for entertainment value, I’ll tell ya.

With school and child, I can’t see myself being able to play until next season. I’ll have to work on relaxing those gag reflexes in case we make a run through the playoffs.